Leaks Are The New Black

You couldn’t make it up; there we were on Sunday past off out to the shops (GoOutdoors specifically) to get waterproof light weight walking shoes (again specifically these http://www.gooutdoors.co.uk/exit-2-gtx-p177758 Salomon Men's Exit 2 GTX® Hiking Shoes) ... they are fine by the way, waterproof comfy quite stiff at first, and slowly moulding to my feet. Anyway, all things being equal a good buy, and even better we arrived on going for a song clearance sale day and Amanda managed to pick up a 2011/12 last season, three way North Face jacket with removable fleece (already fitted) for £84 down from £184. I mentioned this business with clearance sales and last seasons kit just two posts back. Needles to say we were well pleased with ourselves.

We then popped into Tesco for odds and sod and went home ... as you do. Tea made shopping put away; the rain that had started in lakeside caught up with us in Tilbury, and for about half an hour the heavens opened. This was all good for about ten minutes because we planned on having a really easy afternoon, and now we didn’t have to water the garden into the bargain. However, this state of calm and anticipation of an easy afternoon was not to last.

I was putting some bits in the fridge, I cast a glance to my right and noticed a puddle and splash marks atop the remains of what was once the outside wall, that now defines the boundary between the main house and the extension. I asked Amanda where the water came from as it was a bit to distant from the tap to be splash from the washing up ... and as if in answer to my question a drop came from somewhere above to join the puddle that had already formed.

That’s right, after all the shit we’ve gone through this year with rising damp, in doors and a leaking roof in the motorhome and all the associated costs, we now have the joy of a completely buggered flashing between the main house and the extension, and upon further investigation several other minor splits and areas where the old bitumen has gone dry. According to the roofer who popped round yesterday, business is booming, the combination of three really dry years followed by one really wet one has ruined roofs the length and breadth of Thurrock and the surrounding area ... well I feel so much better now I know that the fates aren’t just picking on us. In any event, not only do we now have the sound knowledge that the room is tanked from damp from below for whoever buys it, we now also have the privilege of offering the property with a brand spanking new felt roof.

It’s one of those you could cry if you let it too far under your skin weeks. Instead we fervently hope that this low, which we will colloquially describe as “lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut”, is the final stage before we rise like a Phoenix, wealthier, wiser and free after what can only be described as a grinding year ... and there’s still three months of it left ... I’m not one for wishing days away ... you don’t know when your last is booked for ... but.

Motorhome Home and Aching Wrists

On the weekend of the 18^th May I caught the train down to Devon to pick up the motorhome, now Blackdown have completed the repair and refurbishment works; more on that in a line or two, first the travel news.

I left home to catch my usual commute train to Fenchurch Street Station and then pootled my way across town to Waterloo to catch the 09.30 train to Exeter. In terms of travel things couldn’t have been easier, in part because I like to give myself wide margins of time for travel on train and tube (in case of hiccups). I tend to build in enough time to walk between connections; this is a legacy of being a walking engineer in London some ten years ago. People never believe when I say most places in the city are a walk away, until they walk with me.  

In any event my caution paid the dividend I’d hope for, to whit: an easy coffee and Croissant from a booth on Waterloo’s insane rush hour concourse and an easy stroll to the front three cars of the train that are the only part that goes as far as Exeter (the rest breaks of at Andover, and unless I miss heard splits off towards Bath).

The only incident to report relates to my clothes. There I was fumbling in my wallet to separate my train tickets from the receipts so I could pass through the barriers. During said fumble I dropped my wallet. I crouched down to pick it up as I can’t bend because my spine is fused pretty much from neck to waist, and heard rrrrriiiiiip… it was the crotch of my jeans. It was one of those little epiphany moments. From almost the time I’d gotten on the train at Tilbury I’d been getting odd looks. The reason being that the jeans I was wearing already had a minor rip by the seam at the base of the zip. I’d forgotten about the rip, and clearly I’d forgotten to do the repair, but the jeans had been cleaned and pressed and put back in my wardrobe. I’d then put them on totally oblivious to the fact that my nuts were already half hanging out… hence the odd looks earlier; and having now crouched to pick up my wallet I might as well have been walking around in just my boxers.

I did try to find a men’s clothes shop on Waterloos concourse, but unfortunately with the £10million pound refit that’s in progress, I all I could find was a Monsoon, an Accessorize or WHSmith which somewhat limited my choices…. In the end I decided that finding a seat with a table on the train would do. I then spent the next couple of hours sitting opposite Dr Gus Casely-Hayford and a team of women he was travelling with, followed shortly after his party left the train by a group of twenty chaps going well and truly “on the piss” in Torquay for the weekend.

I was happy to get off the train at Honiton, having been co-opted temporarily into the Piss up group, who seemed to be at pains to get me drinking beer, (always tempting but not when you have a long drive ahead).

And so we come to the Motorhome refurb; Paul has done a competent job. The leak repair and new ceiling are fantastic, and the colour match is as near as dammit perfect. The new wet-room is a clean white wipe-down affair, and the new cassette toilet looks great in the un-fussy easy clean wet-room. All that needs to be done is the fit and fix of a showerhead and taps gas and 12volt systems. The new roof lights are clean, aerodynamic and don’t have fly screens that rattle when the engine idles. The kitchen unit is resplendent with it’s new work top, hob/sink combination and spanking new cooker and Fridge. Paul’s wife has done a fabulous job with our re-designed cushions and the new extra large all over bed I designed is simply brilliant. The floor is now a hardwearing industrial lino in a pale blue terrazzo affect, and to finish Paul has fitted new blinds that are uncomplicated in operation and design (being blackout but plain white). All things being equal we are very happy.

Having spent several hours with Paul going over the fixture and fits, limitations of what he could do to seal the habitation unit, and a modification to the water tank that allows unparalleled ease of cleaning, it was time to hit the road for Somerset and the big clean. It was at this point that I realised I’d left the Satnav Power lead in the cars door pocket a hundred miles and more to the east and would now have to navigate to Somerset using a map drawn on the back of an envelope and the force. I had 54 miles to navigate, and was suddenly very aware of how reliant I’d become on the satnav, and equally aware that I need to put the old fashioned road atlas back in the cab and leave it there. I think I managed fairly well with only two definite wrong turns that required strategic three point turns.

I arrived at our friends house in Rooks Bridge Somerset around 4.30pm, and decamped. Amanda joined us later by train to Highbridge, and then after a quick whiz round Asda for supplies we had a splendid dinner and ales and a relatively early night.

Saturday morning I had a bit of a head on me from the ale, but nevertheless got the bucket and sponges and went out to clean the moho from top to bottom. There’s a little over 150 square feet of moho to clean, including roof sides and cab. It had sat mostly on a drive in Devon for two and a half months… it was filthy with rain residues and ale. To make things even harder on ourselves we also wanted the old Elddis Decals removed from the bodywork as they were faded and tatty after twenty years of pounding by both sun and rain. So armed with little more than finger nails and a small hair drier the stickers took the best part of three hours to remove, and my nail beds still hurt today.  It then took us four hours to wash the entire body shell and cab after that… but that’s not the punishing part. After washing it from stem to stern, it had to be T-Cut all over to get rid of the dark marks where rain drains from the roof down the sides, and to get the colour looking even where the stickers were removed. We finished at around 7.30pm, had another splendid dinner and some more beer, and I found myself making my excuses at 09.30pm and going to bed with a hot water bottle for my lumbar spine and a fervent desire for the magic pixies to come in the night and wash it again and wax it… and there in lies the problem with pixies, they are lazy feckless little bastards only interested in flitting round woodlands and looking good. So at 9am on Sunday morning we went back out with buckets and sponges and washed the moho from top to bottom again, this time to remove T-Cut residues in preparation for the waxing. Thankfully this entire process only took six hours, it must be said that the pain was worth it. I doubt the moho has shone so bright since it rolled off the production line in 1991.

The question now is; Will we actually get to use it this year? And the answer is likely to be “no”. We still have a huge amount of work to do at home to get it ready for sale, damp fix, and decoration being the least of it. I booked off the Jubilee week in hope that we would be going to Southwold in Suffolk to try everything out, but with damp works and decorating at home, I can see that nine days being eaten in one great big chunk. One must be philosophical; we intend to live in it full time from early next year for at least two years, so missing out on high summer for this year is on balance a worth it.

March Marches Past

So here we are a best part of a month since the last post. So what’s been happening?

Well our 21 year old motorhomes leak proved too difficult to fix roadside, primarily because in removing the internal structures to get to the rot, would have compromised Structural integrity. I could have done the work in two halves, however this would have brought with it, its own set of unique problems. And again these problems revolved around stability of the habitations external skin and potential for mis-alignment. I couldn’t find a unit for rent to take the motorhome off roadside to do the work myself. This would have sorted out all the issues. I could have taken a fortnight off to kill the core repair job, and then spent the following weekends and evenings doing the internal re-fit, but finding a unit without a long minimum lease was impossible. Which given the state of the economy, the number of sizable empty units nearby and the fact that I was a cash payer willing to pay whatever insurance was required seems daft. I could write an entire post about the stupidity of small industrial estate owner’s agents and their odd belief, that what I was actually looking for was a retail unit in the centre of town, a 120000ft warehouse with offices and a price tag of £29000 per annum etc. However why waste time?

So having spent several weeks chasing false leads and getting nowhere I eventually decided that spending the money we were thinking of spending on a unit and doing the repairs ourselves would be better spent on an expert fitter or re-fitter and getting the job done properly.

In between times I stripped out everything I could to create a bare shell, in the hope that something would turn up eventually but in the end, I went back to No1Gear http://www.no1gear.com and asked Mike Chubb (No1gear’s owner) if he could recommend someone. He passed our details and to Black down conversions,

http://www.blackdownconversions.co.uk and after the exchange of photos to assess the damage, and the viability of repair and refurbishment; I drove the motor home to Devon on Thursday 22^nd of March and entrusted it’s care to Paul Studley and his wife, who can sort out not only the repair but also the re-fit of the kitchen, wet room, and all the upholstery.

There isn’t much more to say right now. Back ground preparations are taking place: Things like insurances for living full time in a motorhome, routes round the country, finances for stopovers etc. And as things that matter get more body so posts will hopefully be more frequent and full.

Trials and Tribulations (but at least it's happened early).

We plan in a year or so to take our 21 year old motorhome on the road for a couple of years and just live in it and tour. On Sunday I noticed a blown corner in the bathroom. Upon further investigation I found a nasty little leak, that's allowed the ingress of water between the external aluminium skin and the internal wallboards which are made of hard Polystyrene foam, covered with quarter inch ply, finished with decorative vinyl wallcovering.

I have also found a cross member totally rotted out, so much so that I can pick it out with just my finger. It’s a bugger to say the least.

Third party repairs look like they could empty the coffers quicker than a one eyed prime minister. Therefore in addition to the ongoing preparations for the trip, I now have to factor in me stripping out the internal space in the motorhome and repairing it, if it’s within my ability to do so (it’s not a lack of skill or confidence, it’s a question of legality and certification) after all, if it fell to bits on a motorway would you be criminally responsible for dodgy or non-standard fixes? ... let’s hope that never comes to pass and I am as good as I think I am.

On Tuesday 14^th of February we went to the Motorhome Caravan and Camping Show http://www.motorhomecaravanandcamping.co.uk/ to look at alternative options if all else fails and our old shed on wheels needs to join the choir invisible. We were going anyway as we wanted to replace the oven and fridge (and maybe the shower ironically). Frankly there’s only one candidate as a replacement.

One of these, http://www.vantagemotorhomes.co.uk/sol-info.php, but at £44k minimum, it’s a big ask. If I was to be entirely blunt about the MHC&C show, it was an enormous letdown, full of ostentatious, cramped (despite large external dimensions) luxury motorhomes that in my opinion are suitable for retired, wealthy individuals who want to spend their days in their motorhome on pristine lawned campsites where mud and children are banned... not in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sheep being battered by hail and rain (no escaping days like that).

 The Vantage units on the URL above, on the other hand combine all the benefits of a solid metal box panel van streamlined at source, combined with a built in the UK by the companies owner interior that is at same time comfortable enough and practical. If they have a disadvantage, it’s the lack of storage space internally, but there are aftermarket options to deal with that issue.

So I guess for a while at least this blog will have small updates on the state of repairs and refurbishment of our existing Moho, and I’ll throw in some pictures as well. As the post title says Trials and Tribulations. There is nothing like a challenge, except a challenge that gets challenged. In a word “Bollocks”.