Thursday, 9 August 2012


How is it that it’s cheaper to sell me two completely new pairs of glasses for £79 than it is to put new lenses in the two pairs of frames I already have? I spent a dogs age finding some specs that were very discreet and small, because I hardly ever have to wear the things in the first place ... literally all they are for is looking at computer part No’s that are printed on PCBs in 0.5mm font’s. I used to use a magnifying glass, but was advised that I should have an eye test ... and Lo and fucking behold, in spite of the fact that I can read font size 6 from 6 inches away to arms length I needed reading glasses. This font by the way is 11.
And why did the lady need to pull a face like “Oh MY GOD” you haven’t got scratch proof coating, anti glare lenses and titanium, memory metal, designer frames with insurance cover? I’ll tell you why: For the same reason those fuckwits from the storage companies, and the turds that mis-sold PPI to millions and all the other alleged “value add” crap that gets or got sold as an essential or desirable by product of your main purchase (it’s not strictly that they are greedy (though it plays a part)). It’s because there is fuck all else to do. We in our part of the world have reached a peak in available technology and products, there’s pretty much nothing new, novel or essential we need ... so instead of going into an opticians having an eye test, getting four new lenses for two pairs of glasses, you now need two complete new sets of glasses and your old ones; if you’re charitable go to Africa, and if you’re a tight arse go in a drawer at home forever. It’s flower, fluff, bullshit and air, pretend money, made up numbers and paranoia created by non job nobs in marketing suites who have convinced some CEO somewhere that “The Brand” needs to keep moving maintaining its edge ... sometimes the only movement required is the morning one.
And as for all the shit that goes with the test £10 (optional) for a test to tell you if you have Glaucoma or a pre-disposition to high blood pressure ... which by the by Boots ... as a man over forty I get for free from my GP, on finger up the arse day every year. Plus added insurance and anti glare and scratch proofing, and two sets of frames in different colours and around ten other pointless vanity or money grabbing options with fuck all value whatsoever ... which when you sit back in the final analysis, with your frames so close to your face that the only person getting the benefit of your pissing about is the person looking at you thinking “four eyed twat ... why the fuck has he got an advert for DKNY, Ray Ban, Givenchy, Hillfiger (delete as appropriate) on his glasses”?
 And is that the other part of the equation, nowadays you are so insecure, so marginalised, so needy and desperate, that you need to make a statement with the small plastic lenses that stop you walking into lamp posts, shaving sheep dogs, or snogging another woman’s man in error on a platform?
As a kid I wore glasses for a few years because I had a squint, for which had surgery and then didn’t put specs on again for more than thirty years. What happened in the meantime, why are retro designer glasses the trendy embodiment of the ugly NHS frames you wore in the 70’s and how and why are the frames that I got two years ago, with not a single sodding thing wrong with them more expensive to re-lens (if that’s the phrase), than buying two complete new pairs?
And finally why on Earth would I want to follow Boots, Specsavers or for that matter any optician or chemist on Facebook and Twitter?
There’s a reason employments up but the recession is still going on ... there are more people needed to peddle old rope for Monopoly money.

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